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Successful Leadership Comes From Leaning Into Your Own Style

Archives for July 2021

The Best Leadership Style is YOURS

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We’re more successful when we lean into who we are and not try to be someone else.

There’s a I use when talking about leadership style: “leading from your core.”

We’ve all heard the word “core”: core strengths, apple core, core functionality, etc.

The word “core” was first used in the early 14th century and means “heart or innermost part of anything.” Whether it has French (“coeur”) or Latin (“cor”) roots, it means “heart.” (Yes, I’m an etymology geek—I looked it up.)

I use the phrase “leading from your core” to mean understanding who you are as a leader: your style, strengths, hot buttons, goals…and then leaning into it.

Often, we see someone else having success and wonder if their way is better. Or we learn about a new approach and want to try it out.

There is nothing wrong with exploring other options in your leadership approach.

However, when we move forward without holding it up to a mirror first, we’re taking a big risk it will backfire.

Here’s an example. I worked with a manager years ago who was everybody’s friend. Jim had a quick wit and made jokes all the time. His style was very casual. Nothing was a “big deal” to him.

My style is calm, a bit more serious, and friendly. I can’t tell a joke to save my life!

What if I was looking for a better relationship with my team and tried to imitate Jim’s style?

If I came into the office and started joking around with everyone, what would happen? Things would become awkward very quickly and I’d lose the trust I’d built up with my team.

The truth is, you can’t fake who you are. Even if you’re meeting someone for the first time, subconsciously they can tell something is “off.” You won’t be able to build that trusting relationship you need to succeed as a leader.

But there is good news: all leadership styles can work, and work well!

The key is consistency.

It’s stressful when we walk into someone’s office and don’t know “who” it is we’re going to find. We can’t mentally prepare. When we can’t anticipate, we automatically become on guard.

So, as a leader, if I’m consistently calm and friendly, then my team learns this is normal for me and can relax because they know what to expect in any given interaction.

Finally, if I’m consistent, it doesn’t matter if my team member’s style doesn’t mesh with mine. Because if we know what to expect from someone, we can prepare the best approach for a good encounter.

And it’s much easier to be yourself than someone else, don’t you think?

When Everything Goes (Just A Little Bit) Wrong

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Merely annoying…unless it happens all day long!

Have you ever wanted to just give up? Throw in the towel, say, “I’m done,” and go get a job flipping burgers somewhere?

That was me last Friday.

I had a busy day with lots of appointments, errands, and, oh yeah, client work!

The day actually started out just fine—exercised first thing in the morning, and my job went well. But by dinner I was a mess: overwhelmed, drained, and with a very dim outlook of my future.

It didn’t occur to me until this morning what happened.

It was small annoyances throughout the day that kept piling up until I felt like nothing would ever go right again.

The first one happened at the AAA office, where I’d gone to renew my license. I arrived a few minutes before my appointment with all my paperwork at the ready. Then I sat…and waited…and everyone ahead of me had some sort of problem or complicated transaction that took twice as long as it should. 45 minutes later it was my turn. “No big deal,” I thought. “It just happens. Glad I got to cross this off the list.”

Then…I drove a family member to an appointment for a blood test. We showed up and they told us, “Oh, we can’t do this type on a Friday.” Okaaay…we’ll just reschedule.

Then…I had an important Zoom meeting and I forgot to plug in my webcam, which meant my audio was not the greatest, either.

These are only some of the items, but you get the picture!

Taken by themselves, everything that went “wrong” was small and easily dealt with: patience (and an Internet connection) at the AAA office, rescheduling blood work, apologizing to my colleague and making sure I connect my webcam in the future.

Each is a pain in the neck, but nothing that should have thrown me off my orbit.

There are a ton of analogies I could use: a frog in boiling water, death by a thousand cuts, the straw that broke the camel’s back, etc.

But what caused the overwhelm? How do I get over it quickly? And how do I stop it from happening in the future?

The root cause is this: I wasn’t paying attention.

I was busy, only thinking about the next item on my to-do list. I wasn’t mindful. I wasn’t guarding my own mindset.

I let each of these annoyances chip away at my attitude until there I was at dinnertime, feeling like a failure, wishing I could drown my sorrows in a gallon of ice cream.

Unfortunately for me, I didn’t realize what happened until the morning.

When I woke up I took some time to reflect on the previous day. What did I do yesterday? When did I start to feel overwhelmed? Did anything actually devastating occur?

Putting all these pieces together, it started to make sense. Everything that happened was an outside influence—a bit of a Murphy’s Law day. And once I figured that out, my attitude started to change.

It’s easy to get caught up in our day and not pay attention to the input that could be chipping away at our attitude. And a poor attitude can bring our self-confidence down.

Meeting re-scheduled at the last minute? Not a big deal—just reschedule. Someone misunderstands your email? Give them a call to talk about it. Vendor price higher then expected? More required training show up in your inbox? It all adds up!

And none of it is a reflection of your value.

We may not be able to prevent what happens or how we initially feel about it, but we can understand that every encounter we have during the day influences us to some degree.

Being mindful of each event’s place in the longer story of the day goes a long way to controlling our reaction and attitude. Enjoy those “that went better than expected” moments. Acknowledge the ones that aren’t so wonderful.

And take a few minutes mid-day to reflect and do a re-set, if necessary. This will give you the chance to take on the rest of the day with a better outlook…and avoid eating a bucket of ice cream at the end of it.

Dumbledore and How to Avoid Mistakes

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As we grow, our mistakes become “correspondingly huger.”

We’re big Harry Potter fans in the Buttiglieri household. (Our dog is even named “Lumos,” which is the spell for lighting up the end of your wand!)

One of the most impactful quotes from the series comes from Albus Dumbledore, the school’s Headmaster, genius wizard, and complete icon. He says, “I make mistakes like the next man. In fact, being–forgive me–rather cleverer than most men, my mistakes tend to be correspondingly huger.”

It’s not much different for mere “muggles,” either.

When we are just starting in our careers, our mistakes are plentiful…but their effect is typically minimal. They may be embarrassing but only require an apology and a quick fix. (I remember one time I saw a shelving unit in a storeroom with old books sitting on it. I thought, “Great! We need this to house our marketing literature!” and took it. Little did I know the Documentation Manager was using it to store her old materials. Ouch!)

As we gain more responsibility, the mistakes that were simply cringe-worthy start to impact our project: Incorrect data analysis; forgetting to include someone in a critical meeting; sending out the wrong training dates; purchasing a software application that isn’t the right fit; ignoring a risk until it blows up and we need to call an emergency executive meeting. These grow “correspondingly huger.”

We’re professionals, so when something happens on our project we scramble to do what it takes to set things back on track.

But there is another consequence: our reputation suffers.

We spend years working to build trust within our teams and our companies. We’ve built our reputation as someone reliable and knowledgeable.

The loss of reputation can be far worse than the mistake itself.

Of course, it doesn’t take one misstep to bring it all crashing down. But as we string them together, seeds of doubt can start to grow in our stakeholders’ minds.

How do we avoid this?

  • Write it down: If you struggle to remember dates or actions from a meeting, make sure you take good notes and refer to them when you’re using that information in the future.
  • Enlist a second set of eyes: The more important the communication, the more eyes should be on it. (If I take the time to have someone proof-read my Leadership Notes blog, the less I need to worry it will have the wrong subject line ;-).)
  • Trust your gut: If something feels “not right,” don’t ignore it. You may not know what is wrong, but take a step back, maybe take a little time, and then look at the task or issue from another angle. If you still need to move forward despite the “something’s not right” feeling, make sure risk mitigations are firmly in place.
  • Take your time: It’s easy to rush through communication because we have ten other things to do. Or toss some budget numbers out there because “they’re good enough.” The extra time is worth it – ten minutes can save two hours of re-work later.
  • Avoid tough work when your brain is tired: Personally, I struggle to be creative in the late afternoon and evening. I’ve learned to schedule my day so presentation slides and blog posts are drafted before lunch, saving the afternoon for edits or more analytical tasks. Take the time to learn your most efficient pattern. If your project updates are more easily written at 8 a.m., or if you work best after the household is asleep, follow that pattern.

All these suggestions are simple and aren’t new concepts. The question we should ask ourselves is: how often do we follow them?

Do we ever tell ourselves “it will be fine” and send out an important communication…even when our gut is telling us otherwise? Do we ever think “I’ll get to it later” and then forget key information from a meeting?

Recognize that mistakes will happen. Set up your own mitigation practices. And follow them consistently. Your project will run better, your reputation will remain intact, and you’ll have fewer apologies to make.