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Successful Leadership Comes From Leaning Into Your Own Style

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The Best Leadership Style is YOURS

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We’re more successful when we lean into who we are and not try to be someone else.

There’s a I use when talking about leadership style: “leading from your core.”

We’ve all heard the word “core”: core strengths, apple core, core functionality, etc.

The word “core” was first used in the early 14th century and means “heart or innermost part of anything.” Whether it has French (“coeur”) or Latin (“cor”) roots, it means “heart.” (Yes, I’m an etymology geek—I looked it up.)

I use the phrase “leading from your core” to mean understanding who you are as a leader: your style, strengths, hot buttons, goals…and then leaning into it.

Often, we see someone else having success and wonder if their way is better. Or we learn about a new approach and want to try it out.

There is nothing wrong with exploring other options in your leadership approach.

However, when we move forward without holding it up to a mirror first, we’re taking a big risk it will backfire.

Here’s an example. I worked with a manager years ago who was everybody’s friend. Jim had a quick wit and made jokes all the time. His style was very casual. Nothing was a “big deal” to him.

My style is calm, a bit more serious, and friendly. I can’t tell a joke to save my life!

What if I was looking for a better relationship with my team and tried to imitate Jim’s style?

If I came into the office and started joking around with everyone, what would happen? Things would become awkward very quickly and I’d lose the trust I’d built up with my team.

The truth is, you can’t fake who you are. Even if you’re meeting someone for the first time, subconsciously they can tell something is “off.” You won’t be able to build that trusting relationship you need to succeed as a leader.

But there is good news: all leadership styles can work, and work well!

The key is consistency.

It’s stressful when we walk into someone’s office and don’t know “who” it is we’re going to find. We can’t mentally prepare. When we can’t anticipate, we automatically become on guard.

So, as a leader, if I’m consistently calm and friendly, then my team learns this is normal for me and can relax because they know what to expect in any given interaction.

Finally, if I’m consistent, it doesn’t matter if my team member’s style doesn’t mesh with mine. Because if we know what to expect from someone, we can prepare the best approach for a good encounter.

And it’s much easier to be yourself than someone else, don’t you think?

When Everything Goes (Just A Little Bit) Wrong

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Merely annoying…unless it happens all day long!

Have you ever wanted to just give up? Throw in the towel, say, “I’m done,” and go get a job flipping burgers somewhere?

That was me last Friday.

I had a busy day with lots of appointments, errands, and, oh yeah, client work!

The day actually started out just fine—exercised first thing in the morning, and my job went well. But by dinner I was a mess: overwhelmed, drained, and with a very dim outlook of my future.

It didn’t occur to me until this morning what happened.

It was small annoyances throughout the day that kept piling up until I felt like nothing would ever go right again.

The first one happened at the AAA office, where I’d gone to renew my license. I arrived a few minutes before my appointment with all my paperwork at the ready. Then I sat…and waited…and everyone ahead of me had some sort of problem or complicated transaction that took twice as long as it should. 45 minutes later it was my turn. “No big deal,” I thought. “It just happens. Glad I got to cross this off the list.”

Then…I drove a family member to an appointment for a blood test. We showed up and they told us, “Oh, we can’t do this type on a Friday.” Okaaay…we’ll just reschedule.

Then…I had an important Zoom meeting and I forgot to plug in my webcam, which meant my audio was not the greatest, either.

These are only some of the items, but you get the picture!

Taken by themselves, everything that went “wrong” was small and easily dealt with: patience (and an Internet connection) at the AAA office, rescheduling blood work, apologizing to my colleague and making sure I connect my webcam in the future.

Each is a pain in the neck, but nothing that should have thrown me off my orbit.

There are a ton of analogies I could use: a frog in boiling water, death by a thousand cuts, the straw that broke the camel’s back, etc.

But what caused the overwhelm? How do I get over it quickly? And how do I stop it from happening in the future?

The root cause is this: I wasn’t paying attention.

I was busy, only thinking about the next item on my to-do list. I wasn’t mindful. I wasn’t guarding my own mindset.

I let each of these annoyances chip away at my attitude until there I was at dinnertime, feeling like a failure, wishing I could drown my sorrows in a gallon of ice cream.

Unfortunately for me, I didn’t realize what happened until the morning.

When I woke up I took some time to reflect on the previous day. What did I do yesterday? When did I start to feel overwhelmed? Did anything actually devastating occur?

Putting all these pieces together, it started to make sense. Everything that happened was an outside influence—a bit of a Murphy’s Law day. And once I figured that out, my attitude started to change.

It’s easy to get caught up in our day and not pay attention to the input that could be chipping away at our attitude. And a poor attitude can bring our self-confidence down.

Meeting re-scheduled at the last minute? Not a big deal—just reschedule. Someone misunderstands your email? Give them a call to talk about it. Vendor price higher then expected? More required training show up in your inbox? It all adds up!

And none of it is a reflection of your value.

We may not be able to prevent what happens or how we initially feel about it, but we can understand that every encounter we have during the day influences us to some degree.

Being mindful of each event’s place in the longer story of the day goes a long way to controlling our reaction and attitude. Enjoy those “that went better than expected” moments. Acknowledge the ones that aren’t so wonderful.

And take a few minutes mid-day to reflect and do a re-set, if necessary. This will give you the chance to take on the rest of the day with a better outlook…and avoid eating a bucket of ice cream at the end of it.

Dumbledore and How to Avoid Mistakes

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As we grow, our mistakes become “correspondingly huger.”

We’re big Harry Potter fans in the Buttiglieri household. (Our dog is even named “Lumos,” which is the spell for lighting up the end of your wand!)

One of the most impactful quotes from the series comes from Albus Dumbledore, the school’s Headmaster, genius wizard, and complete icon. He says, “I make mistakes like the next man. In fact, being–forgive me–rather cleverer than most men, my mistakes tend to be correspondingly huger.”

It’s not much different for mere “muggles,” either.

When we are just starting in our careers, our mistakes are plentiful…but their effect is typically minimal. They may be embarrassing but only require an apology and a quick fix. (I remember one time I saw a shelving unit in a storeroom with old books sitting on it. I thought, “Great! We need this to house our marketing literature!” and took it. Little did I know the Documentation Manager was using it to store her old materials. Ouch!)

As we gain more responsibility, the mistakes that were simply cringe-worthy start to impact our project: Incorrect data analysis; forgetting to include someone in a critical meeting; sending out the wrong training dates; purchasing a software application that isn’t the right fit; ignoring a risk until it blows up and we need to call an emergency executive meeting. These grow “correspondingly huger.”

We’re professionals, so when something happens on our project we scramble to do what it takes to set things back on track.

But there is another consequence: our reputation suffers.

We spend years working to build trust within our teams and our companies. We’ve built our reputation as someone reliable and knowledgeable.

The loss of reputation can be far worse than the mistake itself.

Of course, it doesn’t take one misstep to bring it all crashing down. But as we string them together, seeds of doubt can start to grow in our stakeholders’ minds.

How do we avoid this?

  • Write it down: If you struggle to remember dates or actions from a meeting, make sure you take good notes and refer to them when you’re using that information in the future.
  • Enlist a second set of eyes: The more important the communication, the more eyes should be on it. (If I take the time to have someone proof-read my Leadership Notes blog, the less I need to worry it will have the wrong subject line ;-).)
  • Trust your gut: If something feels “not right,” don’t ignore it. You may not know what is wrong, but take a step back, maybe take a little time, and then look at the task or issue from another angle. If you still need to move forward despite the “something’s not right” feeling, make sure risk mitigations are firmly in place.
  • Take your time: It’s easy to rush through communication because we have ten other things to do. Or toss some budget numbers out there because “they’re good enough.” The extra time is worth it – ten minutes can save two hours of re-work later.
  • Avoid tough work when your brain is tired: Personally, I struggle to be creative in the late afternoon and evening. I’ve learned to schedule my day so presentation slides and blog posts are drafted before lunch, saving the afternoon for edits or more analytical tasks. Take the time to learn your most efficient pattern. If your project updates are more easily written at 8 a.m., or if you work best after the household is asleep, follow that pattern.

All these suggestions are simple and aren’t new concepts. The question we should ask ourselves is: how often do we follow them?

Do we ever tell ourselves “it will be fine” and send out an important communication…even when our gut is telling us otherwise? Do we ever think “I’ll get to it later” and then forget key information from a meeting?

Recognize that mistakes will happen. Set up your own mitigation practices. And follow them consistently. Your project will run better, your reputation will remain intact, and you’ll have fewer apologies to make.

Will This Project EVER Be Over?

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Waving Goodbye
When can we wave goodbye to our project?

Your project went Live – CONGRATULATIONS!

So… why are you the first person who is contacted when there’s an issue? Why are your team members constantly answering support calls? And why is your name still being tossed around as the process owner?

You’re all trying to move on from the project – you have a new project and other work to do!

When will this project be OVER?

The answer comes down to transition planning.

When we’re planning a project, our minds are focused on near-term questions like:

  • When should we freeze requirements?
  • Who is going to be involved in testing?
  • Do we have the right level of documentation?

It’s really tough to look way down the road…past Training…past Go Live…and around the bend from Lessons Learned.

The risk is: if we don’t envision what “business as usual” will look like post-project, and plan for that, we may find ourselves supporting it forever!

Planning for this transition is done, well, during the Planning Stage of the project. It doesn’t need to be finalized at that point, but a solid draft needs to be created. As you move through the project, periodically review the plan, and finalize it during Execution, when you really understand the extent of training and support it will need.

The good news is that planning the transition is not as daunting as it seems. You have most of the information from the start. Here are a few questions to ask when you’re drafting:

  • Look at the priority and purpose of the project. Is it a special one-time project like a new marketing campaign? If it’s a process that will become part of normal operations, consider what happens when a new person joins the organization – or something changes in the process?
  • Is the project short term, like launching a new product, or long term, such as rolling a division into your ERP system? If it’s long-term, there may be upgrades or follow-on work to consider. Which departments need to understand the initial project work and documentation? Which pieces need extra time for knowledge transfer?
  • Look at the departments assigned to the project team. Is there IT involved? What about Quality? Which business units? These departments will have a role in maintaining the new process or system after you’re Live
  • Is there user training required to roll out the project? If so, you will need to consider pulling in the Training department or generating training material for new users.
  • What about on-going documentation? More than project artifacts may have your team’s name (and yours) all over it. Who needs to own which documents in the future? Who updates the documentation and is there a criteria established?

Presenteeism Part 2: Is Your Team Working Overtime?

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Is your team working when they should rest?

I read a study a while back that said “presenteeism” is a much bigger problem in the US than absenteeism. And I don’t think any of us need a study to know that’s true!

Last week I talked about the effect of presenteeism on our projects when WE show up even though we’re sick or burned out. Our minds don’t work as fast. We can’t process all the information coming in and start to make poor decisions.

Taking a break would benefit our team and project as much as ourselves.

But we’re not the only ones who show up and stay there when they should rest.

Your team does it, too.

They may not be “running the show” but they also have deadlines, more work than reasonable, and several work streams going on at the same time.

Instead of calling in sick, they show up because they don’t want to disappoint their teammates (or you). They have a a mountain of work and don’t want to do it on the weekend. Or they’re just about done with an activity and don’t want to lose momentum.

Every project has periods of intense work and long hours. But it shouldn’t be the norm.

When someone is sick and physically in the office, it has the added risk of passing the germs around. These days we’re all hyper-aware of illness so it’s an easier task to convince our team members to stay home.

But as I write this, most corporate employees are still working remote.

So when someone is not feeling their best…they can still turn on their computer and log on!

They still show up for meetings, still try to hit their deadlines and attempt to be productive.

When we have 24 hour access, it’s hard to separate work from home. Boundaries blur. It’s incredibly tempting to “hop on for just a little while” and end up being on-line for hours.

Presenteeism in our teams can cause mistakes that filter through each department so everyone is affected. Or a small issue with data isn’t caught until a month later when it’s a mess to untangle and fix.

And just like when we’re not 100%, it’s tough for them to process information, they become less tolerant of everyday issues, and it takes longer to recover.

So, while we need to make sure we’re not over-working ourselves, we also pay attention to our teams.

Here are a few watch-points:

  • How many hours are they putting in on a daily basis?
  • What times are they sending email?
  • Is there a change in their demeanor – are they less patient or tolerant?
  • Are they mentioning something new in their environment (i.e. kids home or caring for an elderly parent)
  • Do they look/sound different?
  • How are they acting in meetings – or is there a change in their show up rate or time?

This is not an exhaustive list. But any of these can indicate some presenteeism is going on. Then we need to take the next step and speak with the team member.

But be prepared for denial and pushback. It’s hard to stop the work-train once it gets going.

Presenteeism is cultural within the organization and the team.

Project Managers have a big influence on our project’s culture. We set the tone from the very first meeting and our teams will watch what we do throughout the project.

They will notice when we’re asking them to hit impossible deadlines or encouraging late night work. They will note when we come to work sick or skip vacation.

How we set the standards and stick to them over time is critical.

We all want to be present with a positive attitude, energy, and a clear mind. Making sure our team is not over-working or showing up sick goes a long way to maintaining a project that is not just efficient, but more enjoyable for everyone.

And the project outcomes will reflect it!

By the way, if you missed last week’s article, here’s the link: Presenteeism Part 1

Presenteeism: Go Home and Stay Home

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When you don’t feel well, you’re project is better off if you take a day off!

I had my second C-vaccination the other day. As any good Project Manager would do, I planned the timing so I wouldn’t miss anything important. Knowing the risk of being sick for a day or two, I prepared and cleared my schedule for the next few days.

Yes, I did get sick. The risk turned into an issue and I was very happy the mitigation plan was in place!

During the period I was “feeling a bit better”, I kept wavering between boredom and guilt.

Boredom because I’m always “doing something”. Sitting still is tough, even when I know it’s the best thing for me.

Guilt because even though I cleared my schedule – I’d been planning this for a month – there’s always a ton on my plate and I could really use the extra time!

I knew my brain wasn’t working 100%. And that a little exertion would delay my full recovery. But it was so hard to stop myself.

Many Project Managers fall into this trap. It’s called “Presenteeism”, the opposite of Absenteeism. We push ourselves to the point of exhaustion…and then we jump over it.

But just like I knew my brain wasn’t working at capacity, when we’re sick (or routinely work too many hours…or don’t take a break) our minds aren’t able to take information and process it effectively.

We start to make mistakes.

Mistakes lead to inefficiency, delay, and more issues.

And what comes out of our mouths (or through our fingers on the keyboard) is usually unclear and confusing. At worst, our communication devolves into barking out orders. We can’t even think about altering our tone to get the best response.

Bottom line: Presenteeism has a bigger impact than Absenteeism.

When you’re absent, you’re only out for a day or a week and everyone rallies to cover. They know it’s temporary.

When you’re always there, even when you shouldn’t be, your team has no recourse. They can only dig in and spend the extra time figuring out what your messages mean and what their next actions should be. And then try to not take offense when you’re ordering them around like robots.

Here’s my advice:

When you’re sick: stay home. Log off. They have your cell if they need you (they probably won’t).

When a 12 hour day routine is normal: commit to a reasonable time to leave each day (not at the 12 hour mark). Set a timer…or make plans after work, if you need to. And shut down your computer at the end of the day.

The fact is, the work will be there when you get back.

And the fact is, your brain needs a rest to get back to full capacity.

I know it’s hard. I live it, too. But when we rest, we’re able to come back more efficient and effective. We’ll see the issues and have a much better idea how to solve them.

If you’re still struggling, remember our teams will benefit from the clear direction. They don’t want to waste time, either.